Reheated Food News for April 1

CTbites Team

This just in...

Beware of friends trying to force-feed you, a new food trends study predicts human foie gras will gain in popularity in 2012.

The Filling Station announces "Metro North Shake" in new Brake Dust flavor. Will be served in whatever containers are rolling around the train floors that day. 

Lolita Cocina in Greenwich to begin "Extra Romantic Lighting Fridays." Restaurant illumination will go from dim and murky to nonexistent. "Everyone's beautiful when the lights are off," says management. Test audiences responded no change in their ability to read menus.  

Friday Froth Sneak Preview: "White Lightening Beer." 100% alcohol brew nearly impossible to buy unless you have a cousin in Kentucky.

Shake Shack's Westport location will feature a "Lite" Burger for guests counting calories, or saving room for custard. 

Sandra Lee & Anthony Bourdain to collaborate on new Walmart line of tableware. 

Small child attempts to steal 3 foot tall Chocolate Easter Bunny from Belgique Chocolatier in New Canaan. Forced to eat entire rabbit as punishment.

Sleep tight, Andrew Zimmern eats Bronx Zoo's cobra and lives to tell about it.

Hot new dining trend: maître d'insulter. Gentlemen with pencil-thin mustaches being hired to slap patrons upon entry, steal their cash, and show disdain at the amount of it before ushering patrons back outside. "At least it keeps the riffraff out," said one Greenwich resident, retrieving her hat.

Le Guide Michelin releases a new fast food rating system called Le Fat American Michelin

Kory Wollins suspected of arson at local McDonald's, taking burgers a little too seriously. 
Owner of Burgers, Shakes and Fries reportedly could not stand the insult to his beloved sandwich. 

CTBites Poll: Do you love tacos, or do you hate America?

McDonalds to offer a Bronx Zoo's Cobra Happy Meal. Taco Bell steps up with a Honey Badger Chimichanga. 

Obama caught drinking a Four Loko. White House admits to secret stash. 

New Must-Have Kitchen Utensil: Kalahari Bushman. We've all struggled to prepare the perfect warthog sphincter or ostrich egg concinders, and now we can! Let the bushman do it all for you and never suffer the embarrassment of not having bush meat at your next BBQ. [Caution: bushman sometimes confuses pugs with wild game. Employers must be cool with visible genitalia.]

The FDA has reported that eating a bacon cheeseburger a day will extend your life by 15 years.

CTBites winner in the recent "Name that Cocktail" Contest is Diet Coke. No one submitted that name so we will keep the prize for the staff.

 

Happy April Fools Day!

If you'd like to read more April Fools' Food News like this,
check out this Twitter stream that inspired it and Fun With Carbs' outtakes.